with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You can't motorboat a personality
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
