i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
