Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
