So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
