I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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