now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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