Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
