You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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