you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
