im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
