No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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