her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
