I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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