i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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