Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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