found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
