mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
