he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
