I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
