Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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