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• (510): View more from California

  one might say we're banned from that church

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007

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• (916): View more from California

  I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.

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