I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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