He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
