Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
