Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
