Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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