Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
