Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
