just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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