I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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