Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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