when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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