I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
