help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh god it's open bar.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
