I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
