remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
