I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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