I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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