I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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