sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
