Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
