No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
