I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
