I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
