You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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