he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
