i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
