He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
