Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
