We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
